For me my dress was literally the only thing I spent money on at my wedding I would not have gone through with uh so kudos to you. As my grandpa used to say, you mess with the bull and you get the horns. It is completely your choice if you ever want to reestablish contact, and I hope to god that your husband stands by you every moment of it. I kind of think FIL should divorce MIL. Listen to those who have been there. I would consider talking to your husband about going no contact. I can't imagine if she had gone THIS far. I'd also throw in a full neuro/psych evaluation to rule out dementia or other organic cause. I'd go NC forever. You can't ever be in contact with her again, you know that right? Who has a box cutter on vacation? I would be very careful. Have fun on your honeymoon and try not to think about it. The TLDR is: Everyone told me how sorry she was. I would've clocked the bitch if she starts to open her mouth to explain what happened. What a cow and she's not even sorry. This is why this sub is marvellous. It's really sad because she thought she was "working" on the dress. I can only imagine how awful it was to find your dress in shreds. I am surprised at how Cunt not bitch were used during your story because that's what that bitch cunt is. hugs I hope she seeks help and the family shames her for a long time. Maybe they could have a small ceremony for them? He kept it a secret and look what happened.. Christ. Please. I personally think she needs professional help. It could be. The FUCK is wrong with people? I would've gone into a white hot rage. You faced someone trying to ruin what is meant to be a life altering event, something you remember as long as you live. what she did was fucked up, and she only had access to the dress cos you guys were nice and let them stay in the house. This is the infamous Gropecunt (aka Gropey). She needs to also address why she did something so extreme (eg medical checks, therapy) and recognise that OP probably isn't going to trust her again for an extremely long time, if ever, and not complain about that or expect any kind of easy fix. Press J to jump to the feed. i'd be doing a 25 year sentence...FUCK that noise. Here's to a bright future minus one family member. It's their job and whatnot. OP posted an update and her MIL really has a tumor. This. Do you know if dementia runs in their family? Right? Tentatively resume contact. I would have a super hard time forgiving her for her actions. And furthermore, I would want some sort of relationship with my kids and I don't see that happening with this woman. Red flag right there. So far, your husband is doing exactly as he should. Was it? So sorry she did that. She needs a psych evaluation immediately, and I'd make it clear you nor her husband will not be in contact with her unless this happens. Wow! To get a solution. Honestly? To be fair it did read as though FIL didn't realise MIL had gone nutso til he was told about the dress, and at that point paying the cost is the only material way he can make it better. And if you do let her back into your life never leave her alone with any of your belongings or vulnerable loved ones (pets, children, etc). I realized that I should have specifically told her that she needed to get a room in town. Op's hubs, otoh, should at least suggest it. - it may be something of a mental relief when you get there for someone in a professional setting to go "woah, that shit was fucked up." I agree with the many others who have said that just because you are reimbursed, it is not you forgiving them. What did she think was going to happen once the dress tears were discovered? Nothing he did was ever spontaneous, or poor impulse control. Maybe an exact replica dress/hair/makeup/suit/photographer for a do-over photography session too. Please try again. Rick was very close to his mother and that is one of the prime reason why Tracey wanted Gina to like her. Haha, I assume she (he?) You'd never see it coming, and if she'd do something so awful on your wedding day, anything is on the table in my mind. Why does this keep happening to you poor girls, this is at least the 2nd cut dress story I have to wonder if MILs are reading the sub for ideas now. The Wedding Dress. He seems shocked and disturbed by it. She is not allowed to pawn this off onto FIL (well he already paid for it) or attempt to rug sweep. How could you possibly trust her with anything that was important to you given her intentional attempt to ruin your wedding? Because she's probably not sick, she's just a cunt. Did mil admit to it? What do you do when you realize you are flat-out married to a full-on psycho? You should really read the entire thread before commenting. Because like someone else said, the fact he never even questioned that MIL was the one who did it like SIL did says a LOT in my opinion. it was a dress this time. Was I high or just brain-dead?" Fuck covering for her. Don't let anyone pressure you into "letting it go". I don't care what reputation she has for being kind or wonderful or whatever. It really sounds like the main reason MIL wanted to be on the estate with you was so that she could fuck up the entire wedding, and you were lucky she only got to the dress before she was removed. I should really look at people's other posts before asking questions! There were plenty of people asking where my mother-in-law and father-in-law were but my husband and his siblings handled it by saying she wasn't feeling like herself and that sufficed. I would love to see how she tries to justify that bullshit. Because it was going ahead despite her actions and she wasn't able to be there to (1) attempt to stop it again (2) attempt to ruin it (3) play the victim. Not being allowed to apologize or talk it out (rationalize). It also sounds like she would be too erratic to introduce to children. Sure, it's just a dress, but then it's just her head. I would never be able to forgive her and i would seriously consider avoiding her at all costs. I know I might be slightly pushy right now, but all I see in the future for you is heartbreak, heartache, and drama if you allow JNMIL in your life or if you try to have a relationship with this sociopath. I hope you have an amazing honeymoon and forget about all this just for a few days!! Personally, if your fiance doesn't back you on this, I'd be thinking hard about whether you can trust him on other issues, too. That honestly sounds like a sudden and drastic enough change of personality that I'd wonder if something is wrong with her. This woman FLIPPED a big 180 on you AND her son. OP, this really sounds incredibly out of character--your MIL may have some psychiatric/medical issues. Apparently someone doesn't agree though, I've downvoted! What the fuck good is that going to do?? I know everyone says that it doesn't matter in the end as long as you get married to your SO at the end of the day but when something like that happens on your wedding day, it's a hard pill to swallow. She didn't. (Especially if you've read Wide Sargasso Sea) This woman is straight up Disney villain like Lady Tremaine from Cinderella. This sort of behavior seems really familiar, actually, because my mom has borderline personality disorder and this is the exact sort of shit she would do. Wouldn't dementia just kind of dim these things? Exactly! What a horrible, terrible human being!!! This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/legaladvice, More posts from the legaladvice community. They decided to confront their mother together. And for it to be in strips... That wasn't just blind-rage-I-saw-red bullshit. Someone will say to you "it was just a dress", but after all the emotional effort and time you put into choosing the perfect dress for yourself, who are they to say it's "just a dress"? Holy fucking shit Batman. Oh. You can't trust this person with them and how will THAT news go down with MIL? That is bizarre, if it was any other person in the whole damn world, you would have had them arrested for malicious mischief at the very least. Either way, you're not responsible for her. Just saying , it's enough of a crapshoot that I wouldn't fault ip for not pushing. Please take time for yourself to process your emotions. I cant even begin to understand how this woman thinks an apology could suffice for this. This means SHE IS NOT SORRY. she cannot deny that it was her that destroyed the dress. She will ruin every.single.good.thing. even if you never really establish contact with her again, please really push for this. No JNMIL keeps herself hidden then snaps so hard. She needs to be sorry to your face, and prove it. It's a constant reminder of my mom saying "YOU did this". I reached out first because I know it is hard to admit you fucked up. I'm amazed that more people aren't suggesting it's an escalation of old patterns. I hope you are able to have an amazing honeymoon with tour husband and let every bad feeling melt from you knowing that he stood right beside you during this, he didn't pretend it didn't happen as many of us have seen before. That will show you are dead serious(and show any judge you gave her proper notice). ", MIL: "No, we're staying with Son and OP at the estate! You will never be able to trust that she wouldn't harm a child. Everything before was an act. I would go NC with MIL and not even hear an apology until she's attended therapy, I would go NC with MIL and not even hear an apology until she's attended therapy. If SHE is sorry- she needs to take the first step and fucking prove it. Like, that's all I can come up with. Because she looked better in it anyway. Over the weekend, my future mother in law decided to attempt to put on my dress and failed horribly. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. To say nothing about saying children in the future. She assumed that she would be staying on the estate without double checking with you or DH about it. What a fucking cunt. But to try and lighten the mood: you could've played it off and been a corpse bride or made a fashion statement by bringing in the latest trend: cut bride dresses. I'm invinciblemaybe ! She would come to our apartment and we wouldn't answer the door. Remember you have a right to be angry to as long as you are angry. And all for what? Nothing she'll say to you or you to her will ever make you feel better, because seriously I can't imagine the physical and emotional feelings that must have ran through you that day. Cutting a dress up takes time. If she seems hurt, find other ways to include her in the wedding. Sudden stressful situations can make these things come up very suddenly. yeah and is this why she was mad at not staying near OP and dh? But no. Everyone trying to fix it for her made it WORSE because I had my hopes set on moving on. Apologies are given to make the "apologized" feel better about their actions. Two shredders and the MIL who literally pissed on a dress like a puppy. I'm confused. I am so sorry to read this and to think that anyone could be so selfish and cruel. She will rug sweep her actions during your wedding. If it's truly the first warning sign it could be a lot of things, but the really important thing is how she acts afterwards. Thursday evening my mother-in-law, father-in-law, husband's siblings and their significant others arrived into town and came out to see us at the estate house. This is not the time to forgive and forget. I wonder why I would even WANT a relationship with her. She's sorry she got caught and got consequences. There is no way that he didn't know what she was doing and or she had done, and he did nothing immediately to help fix it. What if he's been hiding this? I am so sorry about your dress, I can only guess the emotional anguish that put you through. Congrats and you two just worry about yourselves on your honeymoon. Wow...that's so...woah... You found the "one", the perfect dress for a special day. Or rather, a solid pocketknife. But she also knew that my bridal party was staying with me Friday night so we could get ready there Saturday morning. She isn't her worst enemy (well maybe now she has created her worse nightmare because now she is going to lose her Baaaabbbbyyyy boy), I can't fathom what on earth was she was thinking. Maybe she should see a therapist... She cut up her relationship with you when she cut up that dress. If someone accused your SO or parent of doing something this nasty how quick would you be to believe them ? Right. It sounds like from your post it doesn't seem like she wants to do this willingly. We never stayed over again and they got live-in help shortly after that. Please don't let the family sweep it under a rug. If she had pulled that, I wouldn't be talking to her to this day. You have a good one there. Usually I'm a "be the bigger person" advocate but it takes a really sick person to do something so permanent and cruel and destructive. she purposely SABOTAGED you. Don't let anyone corner you or pressure you into having anything to do with her. This woman can not be trusted. I hate to say it since you on your honeymoon, but this is a good idea. Granny also went through a personality change as she progressed, not uncommon for Alzheimer's patients. At some point she had to know this was an evil thing to do but did it anyway. Please tell me they are actually going to pay for the dress, because most wedding dresses are super expensive, and she's fucking crazy for doing that. OP, I hope you eventually get closure with this and find out what happened, because as it's written there are just so many questions--shocking destruction, out-of-character explosion, no hint of this coming for five years --something doesn't add up! YOU IN NO WAY NEED TO ACCEPT OR EVEN HEAR THIS WOMAN'S APPOLOGY. You need this event memorialized for future legal proceedings. I'm sorry that that part of your day is tainted, but congratulations to you and your husband (shiny spine material) for getting married. I don't care how "out of character" they may say it is for her...I would NEVER resume contact with her. Obviously she knows how to behave herself when people are looking. Honestly, I would have had a hard time not taking a pipe to her. Seriously, this is a golden opportunity to cut her out of your life for good. I apologize if I'm coming across as overly dramatic, but let's face it, there is NO sane excuse for doing what she did. You made accommodations for her, so you gave up stuff you wanted for YOUR wedding in terms of rooms YOU were staying in - and the thanks you get for that is a ruined gown??? She destroyed a wedding dress, that most people keep as a memory of a happy event. All the work finding and trying on dresses only to have to settle for something very last second. There was nearly unanimous agreement that her mother-in-law (MIL) was way out of line. I was thinking the same thing. Sudden changes in behavior could signify an underlying problem. Something. That's actually totally and utterly heartbreaking. And a social media post after the fact? Drastic changes in mental status is often symptom of something physically wrong. She destroyed personal property of likely significant value since wedding dresses are so expensive. Long story short, it's beyond repair and completely ruined. I know it won't make sense, but I need to know what her psycho logic is. I'm picturing Adam Baldwin in a wedding dress now. I think he did it because of the era he had lived in had a very dim view of mental illness, and of a man not holding his family together and because he loved her and couldn't really accept what was happening. Literally forever. MIL has launched the relationship with OP into low Earth orbit, with damage. I would never suggest it to HER if it is dementia or alzheimers and she is showing signs of aggression it won't help. Personally, I would never accept an apology from that woman. There'd have been shock, it would have been too late to get another dress, the timing of the wedding would be ruined, pictures would be of her in something very un-wedding-like, the talk at the reception would be of what happened. One could never trust her again. My MIL wore a white wedding dress to the wedding. It was scary, but how many people out there can say they fell off a cliff and lived?! My mother-in-law physically attacked my wife in the parking lot, accusing us of “drinking too much” on our own wedding night. Please go no contact for the rest of your life. Her fucking husband did a vs apology on her behalf and she just left the dress for you to find it. Yeah, he must know she did it. Nope. Otherwise it's totally just more evidence of sneakiness. I would go NC indefinitely. Also, I am really sorry to remind you of her, /u/ThisIsMineNotYourses, but what happened to y'all? Think about it. What she did is a major red flag, and even if she now "feels better" and truly regrets what happened, remember that the same may very well be the case after her next action, which may, or may not, be something you or anyone around you will be prepared to forgive her for. I can't even fathom how someone goes there. I'm so sorry. That could be never. and shredding the bride's DRESS the day before her wedding ISN'T out of character? it's like living with unexploded ordnance in your front yard. You get to try on a multitude of dresses until you find yourself saying, “Yes,” to the dress. This is beyond extreme! Truthfully, they ought to pay for a whole new wedding. And if she gets a name, I'm suggesting Nuptial Napalm. It's kind of like a better to have it and not need type thing at this point. I don't use them on other people's clothes, though. She bled like crazy for a few minutes but we finally calmed her down and then left my parents' place. In vino veritas, and all that. If this bitch can do this to your wedding dress in a fit, what do you think she'd do to a pet if she had access to, or your child because it's her "baaaaby"? Props to your now husband for standing up for you. I have to protect myself first and foremost. If she truly had a temporary psychosis or whatever, she would have been remoseful and fessed up immediatly after. That was my first thought too. I can't see how your relationship comes back from this. So for both your own and your MILs sake, you staying out of contact is the best thing all around. I don't know where to from here for you. I'm so angry thinking about the cut up dress. It sounds like he's doing all the right things. I'm so sorry you had to go through this! But FIL doesn't get a pass. First, I am so sorry. And if either is a yes I'd ask about getting her checked. She did this. True it only gets worse if you push a sociopath. Its interesting in how it all works. If you don't show that there is a consequence to her actions - like social humiliation - she'll do it again. MIL has a brain tumor, FIL knew and they didn't want to ruin the wedding. YES! Cutting up anyone's wedding dress is simply the cruelest, ugliest thing you could ever do to them on their wedding day. Haha, yeah, on mobile I tend to reply at the wrong places! After so many fittings and hours of looking for it, just to be stripped away from you like that over a silly misunderstanding on her part. I'm guessing he's seen her crazy side before. What would she do if you told her that she wasn't allowed in the delivery room for your first baby? You need to treat that woman like a rattlesnake for the rest of her miserable life: Always have control over her, never take your eyes off of her, and don't ever fucking forget what she's capable of. I would take pics and save for the kids so they can ask grammy why she would do this and be shamed all over again. I'm not looking to make excuses for your MIL, and I'm sooo soooo so sorry that that happened to you - it sounds like you seriously took it like a champ. This was episode #1 and she went for gold. I also understand why he doesn't want to do this but when he confronted her and asked her to reimburse us, she fucking refused. It sounds like your DH has your back. NC seems best. If you ever had children, how could you ever trust her around them? She was looking forward to the wedding but before that, she wanted to clarify all the issues she had with her future mother-in-law. Edit: how did she do this to the dress without FIL seeing her do it? That was the first thing I thought, "Bitch you better have a brain tumor.". See more ideas about dresses, mother of the bride dresses, wedding dresses. That went over like a lead balloon so MIL got mad and ... did the unthinkable. You need to consider long term: What's going to happen if you have kids? Bad combo together. Then not to fess up but allow it to be discovered the way it was? Maybe consider her past interactions to you through this new filter, you might be surprised. Cut all ties. Fiancé jumped down to help me up, we drove 45 minutes to an urgent care, I almost broke my jaw and a rock sliced so deep into my thigh I could almost see my femoral artery. You would literally never be able to trust that she wasn't about to try and harm you the second you did something she felt justified it. I hope you get to the bottom of this and take the appropriate course of action. Stay away till she gets professional help. Don't let the stress this crazed woman created ruin it for you. I know I never would, honestly. I 100% agree with you guys that this is SO not the first time she's done this. We had planned a special first look and I didn't want to let my mother-in-law ruin that as well. I couldn't and wouldn't EVER trust this woman with anything. This sounds horrible, but I really hope there was some sort of underlying medical condition (that can be easily corrected) that this behavior was stemming from rather than she's just that terrible of a person. But I've noticed family's of narcissists can be blind to the abuse and even deny any ever occurs. I'm in the mental health field, and it's a pretty big red flag when people have a sudden personality change. You can't seriously be told to be the bigger person and no one should expect you to. I wonder what minor issues would now stand out as big red flags. But it can also depend on alot more factors then being angry or upset. The important thing for you is how your husband supports you. “I specifically told her to find something that is navy blue, dark green or grey and something conservative. he's acted absolutely perfectly here, but it's got to be a bit of a blow to him, too, and he may want to get a chance to talk over, essentially, losing his mom in a bizarre way, with somebody. Instead, she took the opportunity afforded by your own generosity to try to ruin your wedding. She wants to apologize? Yeah, like maliciously ruined it, using force. this is top grade psycho. JFC, she cut up your wedding dress and then was SURPRISED she wasn't allowed at the wedding?! It takes a special evil do be able to do something this bad. She reacted this way, a way worse than a two year old, in a horribly destructive manner that only someone mentally unstable might act- over a matter that you resolved by putting yourself out by allowing her to stay in the estate rather than having her in the hotel that first night. But to be this viscous and evil. Because either MIL is completely psycho and everyone defends her. You will never be able to let your guard down and trust this woman again. I would straight up tell her you're never allowed at our house ever again and if we ever have children or fur babies you will be never be allowed alone with them without us present. Because I don't even know the woman, and I wouldn't trust her around any of my family. So she's made assumptions that she's part of the bridal party - those staying on the estate. The once in a lifetime dress and you had your wedding day soured by that psycho and had the added stress of scrambling to find any dress as a replacement. **oops almostSouthern, i didnt see your identical suggestion above. And after she wrecked the dress, she didn't say anything. (My opinion, not telling you what to do for all of this). Holy fuck. Please tell me this woman does not have a key to your house or and access to you husband's bank accounts or anything. It sounds like you were surrounded by a lot of people that love you either way and I'm glad you were able to find a replacement. She would even be lucky to have a relationship with you both at this point. Why? OP, I am so sorry you married a man that has a super fucking crazy cunt for a mother. I've searched the interwebs (using incognito of course! I'll bet she thought there would be too many suspects and no one would be able to prove it was her. Ever. If you even consider talking to her. Umm I always have one in my purse, it's a left over habit from when I was a shoplift happy teenager. Right in your ass. I am particularly concerned that FIL called and not MIL. Posts by ThisIsMineNotYourses 2017-08-19 22:42:54 My (27f) Future Mother-in-law (58f) ruined my wedding dress!I'm getting married in 8 hours! I'd be pretty terrified of myself if I did something like that. And we know how that ended; the whole house went up in flames. My mom had pinned the dress and the pin came loose and stabbed my daughter in her neck. There's no reason to take a fun thing like this and sour it with that bullshit. You, your mum, your husband, your sil, your bridesmaids.. Oh they'll pay for the dress???????? You can kinda sorta learn a narcs pattern of behavior, and favorite tactics. I don't know, killing your new grooms mother seems like a horrible way to start a marriage (no matter how justified it may be). When you get home, look into securing your home, because things may get worse before they get better. Plausible deniability is the ability of people (typically senior officials in a formal or informal chain of command) to deny knowledge of or responsibility for any damnable actions committed by others in an organizational hierarchy because of a lack of evidence that can confirm their participation, even if they were personally involved in or at least willfully ignorant of the action. I purchased a wedding gown that cost me over $11k, then paid substantially more in alterations. :|. There's a solid chance FIL is an enabler, I'd still take him for all the money he's willing to give, but I'm petty.